DO YOU MIND? I'M HAVIN' A SHIT CONNIPTION!!!
Because of the blizzard, we lost power for about an hour between 4:00 & 5:00 AM yesterday....when the lights came back on, the missus immediately set several kettles of water a-boilin', in anticipation of the power goin' off again, and we wouldn't be able to nuke our instant coffee...ever the practical thinker...especially from an historical perspective....the power goes out around here more often than Dubya commits a faux pas.......
I, on the other hand, had a shit conniption....the cable was out and, along with it, of course, my avenue to the internet.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....no news.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....no email.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....two more hours before I hit the saddle....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....my second cup of coffee in hand, hadn't even worked up a shit yet, and nothing to do while I waited....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....paced.....looked out the window for awhile....made third cup of coffee.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....well, I can always shower early....what's that? running water? The missus had the same idea & beat me to it....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....can't start shovellin' yet, 'cause it's now comin' down faster than ever....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....
Well, somehow enough time passed, & I hit the road.....I returned home after umpteen near-fatal traffic encounters.....the lights still work....good sign....cable TV functioning again.....nuked some coffee....logged on.....nothing there!! ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....no news....no email.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....well, the snow stopped......14", all together.....shovelled.....nearly had a heart attack.....nuked some more coffee.....logged on again....still dead....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....well, at least it was time for Antiques Roadshow.....switched on the TV.....WTF?? Pledge week!!!!!! ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....washed a few loads of towels, got drunk, & finally hit the rack.....
Ah, Tuesday...woke up, nuked some coffee, logged on.....what? still nuthin'? ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....second verse, same as the first....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....towels are all clean, shovellin's all done.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....thank god the phone still works.....called Time Warner....recorded message...."We're havin' satellite-link problems, you fuckin' loser!! Get over it!!!!"....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....another day on the road....another dozen or so near-fatal traffic encounters....this time, though, not due to traffic conditions.....frazzled......
Just got home.....nuked some cofee....threw away the mail without looking at it.....moment of truth.....do I dare? Shaking, I logged on....Eureka!! It's there! It's finally there!!
Kissed both screens, both mice, both keyboards.....I burst out crying..... I'm whole again!!! I have a window to the world!!! I'm alive!!!!!
Saw what I had missed.......
Jeezus......
I, on the other hand, had a shit conniption....the cable was out and, along with it, of course, my avenue to the internet.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....no news.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....no email.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....two more hours before I hit the saddle....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....my second cup of coffee in hand, hadn't even worked up a shit yet, and nothing to do while I waited....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....paced.....looked out the window for awhile....made third cup of coffee.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....well, I can always shower early....what's that? running water? The missus had the same idea & beat me to it....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....can't start shovellin' yet, 'cause it's now comin' down faster than ever....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....
Well, somehow enough time passed, & I hit the road.....I returned home after umpteen near-fatal traffic encounters.....the lights still work....good sign....cable TV functioning again.....nuked some coffee....logged on.....nothing there!! ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....no news....no email.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....well, the snow stopped......14", all together.....shovelled.....nearly had a heart attack.....nuked some more coffee.....logged on again....still dead....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....well, at least it was time for Antiques Roadshow.....switched on the TV.....WTF?? Pledge week!!!!!! ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....washed a few loads of towels, got drunk, & finally hit the rack.....
Ah, Tuesday...woke up, nuked some coffee, logged on.....what? still nuthin'? ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.....second verse, same as the first....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....towels are all clean, shovellin's all done.....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....thank god the phone still works.....called Time Warner....recorded message...."We're havin' satellite-link problems, you fuckin' loser!! Get over it!!!!"....ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod....another day on the road....another dozen or so near-fatal traffic encounters....this time, though, not due to traffic conditions.....frazzled......
Just got home.....nuked some cofee....threw away the mail without looking at it.....moment of truth.....do I dare? Shaking, I logged on....Eureka!! It's there! It's finally there!!
Kissed both screens, both mice, both keyboards.....I burst out crying..... I'm whole again!!! I have a window to the world!!! I'm alive!!!!!
Saw what I had missed.......
Jeezus......
posted by Sir Lacksalot at 9:45 PM
1 Comments:
welcome home!
Post a Comment
<< Home