A BLIGHT, A BLIGE, AND A BLINK.........
Now, this'll warm your cockles.......62-year-old Barry Manilow has landed atop the Billboard charts as No. 1 for the first time in 29 years...... Manilow's "The Greatest Songs of the Fifties" debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 chart, followed by Mary J. Blige's "The Breakthrough" and Andrea Bocelli's "Amore".......
Okay, let's see if we can follow this.......
Andrea Bocelli is some blind Italian opera guy......how many albums is that gonna sell....43?
Mary J. Blige has had no less than 21 albums released in the last couple years or so.....lessee...she's some kinda hip-hop-or-rap-or-whatever-they-call-it-now kinda gal, ain't she? Chronologically, her albums are as follows:
Real Love
What's the 411
What's the 411 (Remix)
My Life
I Can Love You
Share My World
The Tour (Live versions above the above 3-3 1/2 albums, I suppose)
Share My World (Japan Bonus Track)......WTF?
Mary
Mary(Import Bonus Tracks).....WTF?
Ballads
No More Drama
No More Drama (Japan Bonus Track)....WTF?
No More Drama (US Bonus Tracks).....WTF?
Family Affair (UK CD).....WTF?
Dance for Me (A Buncha Remixes)
Love @ First Sight
Love & Life (Love @ First Sight but not with radio intros, evidently....)
Love & Life (Bonus DVD)....WTF?
Love & Life (UK Bonus Tracks)...WTF?
The Breakthrough........Okay, now wait a minute........she's only breakin' through now?
What were the last 10 (or so) of 21 ? Breaking in?
Okay, let's be honest......
Mary can't be sellin' much, or she wouldn't be re-releasing the same old shit with bonus tracks or whatever over & over........
And like I said before.....how many albums is a blind Italian opera guy gonna sell, really?
So what does Barry's number 1 status really mean?
It means that:
a) the whopping 156,000 albums sold so far by Barry (btw, what'll that figure actually pan out to be when the retailers start returning the unsold "sold" copies to the distributor?) were probably bought by female senior citizens hoping to reclaim their youthful memories, or by female senior citizens in delusion about said memories, or by female senior citizens who wish they had such memories...... in any case were probably purchased over the phone, winsomely, in response to a late-night ad during re-runs of "Mayberry, RFD"......
b) M.J. Blige is really overhyped, overrated, oversaturated, and overexposed.....if you can't beat Barry Manilow, and are in a close race with some blind Italian opera guy for third place, you have a limited future......
c) if you're a blind Italian opera guy, and you're in the number 3 spot behind a has-been and a nearly has-been, or never-really-was-been, you're still a blind Italian opera guy......
Remember the old days, when the top spots were contested by the likes of Hendrix, Springsteen, Dylan, Joplin, Cream, The Doobie Brothers, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, The Stones, Sly, CCR, CSN&Y, Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Bonnie Raitt, Frampton, ARS, the Allman Bros., Cat Stevens, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Supertramp, Bob Seeger, Al Stewart, Boz Scaggs, BB King, JJ Cale, Billy Joel, Lynard Skynard, Ronstadt, Yes, Rush, the Eagles, Heart, Kenny Loggins, Styx, ELO, Queen, Jethro Tull, Little Feat, Fleetwood Mac, Jefferson Starship, Steely Dan, The Who, Blondie, Led Zeppelin, The Cars, Van Morrison, Elton John, Bob Marley, Carly Simon, Paul Simon, ad infinitum.........??
Today we get a blight, a blige, and a blink.......
Okay, let's see if we can follow this.......
Andrea Bocelli is some blind Italian opera guy......how many albums is that gonna sell....43?
Mary J. Blige has had no less than 21 albums released in the last couple years or so.....lessee...she's some kinda hip-hop-or-rap-or-whatever-they-call-it-now kinda gal, ain't she? Chronologically, her albums are as follows:
Real Love
What's the 411
What's the 411 (Remix)
My Life
I Can Love You
Share My World
The Tour (Live versions above the above 3-3 1/2 albums, I suppose)
Share My World (Japan Bonus Track)......WTF?
Mary
Mary(Import Bonus Tracks).....WTF?
Ballads
No More Drama
No More Drama (Japan Bonus Track)....WTF?
No More Drama (US Bonus Tracks).....WTF?
Family Affair (UK CD).....WTF?
Dance for Me (A Buncha Remixes)
Love @ First Sight
Love & Life (Love @ First Sight but not with radio intros, evidently....)
Love & Life (Bonus DVD)....WTF?
Love & Life (UK Bonus Tracks)...WTF?
The Breakthrough........Okay, now wait a minute........she's only breakin' through now?
What were the last 10 (or so) of 21 ? Breaking in?
Okay, let's be honest......
Mary can't be sellin' much, or she wouldn't be re-releasing the same old shit with bonus tracks or whatever over & over........
And like I said before.....how many albums is a blind Italian opera guy gonna sell, really?
So what does Barry's number 1 status really mean?
It means that:
a) the whopping 156,000 albums sold so far by Barry (btw, what'll that figure actually pan out to be when the retailers start returning the unsold "sold" copies to the distributor?) were probably bought by female senior citizens hoping to reclaim their youthful memories, or by female senior citizens in delusion about said memories, or by female senior citizens who wish they had such memories...... in any case were probably purchased over the phone, winsomely, in response to a late-night ad during re-runs of "Mayberry, RFD"......
b) M.J. Blige is really overhyped, overrated, oversaturated, and overexposed.....if you can't beat Barry Manilow, and are in a close race with some blind Italian opera guy for third place, you have a limited future......
c) if you're a blind Italian opera guy, and you're in the number 3 spot behind a has-been and a nearly has-been, or never-really-was-been, you're still a blind Italian opera guy......
Remember the old days, when the top spots were contested by the likes of Hendrix, Springsteen, Dylan, Joplin, Cream, The Doobie Brothers, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, The Stones, Sly, CCR, CSN&Y, Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Bonnie Raitt, Frampton, ARS, the Allman Bros., Cat Stevens, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Supertramp, Bob Seeger, Al Stewart, Boz Scaggs, BB King, JJ Cale, Billy Joel, Lynard Skynard, Ronstadt, Yes, Rush, the Eagles, Heart, Kenny Loggins, Styx, ELO, Queen, Jethro Tull, Little Feat, Fleetwood Mac, Jefferson Starship, Steely Dan, The Who, Blondie, Led Zeppelin, The Cars, Van Morrison, Elton John, Bob Marley, Carly Simon, Paul Simon, ad infinitum.........??
Today we get a blight, a blige, and a blink.......
posted by Sir Lacksalot at 10:56 PM
3 Comments:
haha.. funny post-with you on this one :)
Still hard to believe though, isn't it? Barry Manilow? Barry Manilow?! He played in Duluth at the DECC and they couldn't GIVE the tickets away. Geez, has music been affected by the Bush administration too? Boring, bland, dull, reactionary...50's songs, eh? Oh god, please. Not another round of 50's nostalgia...Pat Boone, the A-bomb, McCarthyism...
unfortunately (because i love BOTH of them) i don't think little feat OR jj cale ever really broke into the top ten. clapton (don't get me started on THAT azzwipe) did get up there covering some of jj's stuff though.
now i'm going to be singing 'willin' all day
i've been warped by the rain, drivin by the snow (i'll say OVER TWO FEET OF IT), drunk n' dirty don't ya know........................
VERY WICKED GOOD posting mr lacksalot
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